8 Web Lane,
Dear Mr & Mrs Spider,
I am writing in regards to your recent lodgings at our abode, I regret to inform you that your rent is far overdue!
Please take this as your notice of eviction. I trust that in the future you may spare a thought for us phobic humans when taking up residence in each shadowed corner, dusty shelf, dry washing pile and hearth rugs alike. Should you feel the need to take a last look round before you depart, I feel it my duty to warn you that Mr Farnsbarn won’t take lightly to meeting something with more than the allowed four legs in his home. You may also find after meeting him you may need to have yourselves fitted for hearing aids as his bark has been known to deafen. Might I add he is partial to a creepy crawley or two for his supper!
Should you find yourself looking for somewhere to stay in the future –please try next door, I’m sure he could do with the company and if his doorway is anything to go by I’m sure you will be most at home in that dusty dwelling.
On a final note. The recent weather, however pleasing I’m sure we have both found it to be, may cause us to sit out in the sun a little too long and drink just a little bit more wine than usual. But remember prevention is better than unplanned parenthood especially when you reproduce by the hundred. Spare a thought for those Foster Parents at the Arachnid Agency, with bug spray and glass jars separating families all over the country making the orphanages more over crowded than ever. Not to mention the countless homeless.
Mr & Mrs N
P.S. Thanks for catching all those pesky house flies but you really could have used the glass and paper method and set them free in the garden after all humane = happy!
-Mrs N x
Photo Credit: http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-illustration-14124110-spider-cartoon.php