Friday, 17 August 2012

A Cup of tea, two lumps of trepidation with just a dash of a malevolent Mother-in-Law.

A Cup of Tea, two lumps of trepidation with just a dash of a malevolent Mother-in-Law.
 I just couldn’t sit still I was so nervous. I had no idea why, yet I couldn’t relax enough to bring myself to speak let alone make eye contact.

There she sat sweetly sipping her tea, adding one lump after the next and stirring in a rather un-nerving manner. I could tell she was just urging me to converse with her but I couldn’t engage my thoughts into connecting with my mouth. She seemed so effortlessly confident all of a sudden. This was so unlike her. This was not the shy, timid woman that I knew.

I got up and half jogged from the dining room. I hovered over the usually cold cumbersome, pot Belfast sink. But today I was glad for its icy demeanour and its heavy presence. Clinging to it cooled me down and I was able to hold on top it to stop myself from sliding to the kitchen floor.

I stooped over it just for a moment but I felt like I had been there an age. I still felt nauseous so I splashed some cold water onto my face and dried it roughly with a battered tea towel, one my Great Grandmother had given to me when I was a little girl. I used to play tea parties with it but it now found pride of place next to my Aga.

More fervent stirring tore through the air and I was suddenly aware that I should probably go back in. I called into the larder to collect the cheesecake I had prepared specially. I was on my way back when I heard her calling me in a rather dulcet tone. This only increased my panicked state.

It took everything I had to call back ‘I’m coming’ but what actually came out of my mouth was those words but in a rather bad and hideously accidental Irish accent. And as she was from Killarney her response was a chilling ‘I’m not amused, if that was your sorry attempt at trying to bond with me you aren’t doing very well’.

I froze; I just didn’t know what to do next. I grabbed the icing sugar in an attempt to at least get the presentation right on my cheesecake and scuppered back to the dining table.

As I began to cut her a slice I could feel her eyes burning into my back and my cheeks turned an awful shade of crimson. I nervously served her a slice and began apologising when she started sneezing repetitively screaming arrrgh pepper why is there pepper on this cheesecake. I finally summoned the courage to look at her. When I realised it wasn’t actually my Mother-in-Law but indeed The Queen, yes The Queen!! Sat before me crown wearing and all was Liz herself. I couldn’t believe my eyes, there beside her was two of her corgi’s, sat to her left was Prince Philip and to her right were Charles and Camilla I turned to look round to see half the Royal family staring at me.

The telephone rang and a butler I wasn’t aware I had informed me it was my Mother-in-Law confirming our engagement at three. As I approached the telephone it continued to ring and I woke realising it was in fact just a dream. I had fallen asleep whilst baking my cheesecake and my phone was ringing I looked at the caller display it was my Mother-in-Law.

It was unlike any other dream I had ever had before.

A fictional story from my imagination.

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